Guest Post: Peanuts and Egg Cups

Hi Everyone!

I am excited to be here today to bring you a guest post from author Sara Mendes da Costa. She has a book out that I haven't read yet, but it looks great! 

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Exes and whys – Sara Mendes da Costa

My take on moving forward from relationships and what to do if you bump into an ex.

Have I ever gone back to an ex? In short….no!!

OK, well…I’ve had those ‘to’ing and ‘fro’ing times when I’ve known I should leave but maybe it seemed: a little too soon - or too worrying - or too definite to leave. I’m talking about the times when perhaps the two of you know it’s over but can’t quite say the words; there may be an ending, a row, then an “OK, let’s give it one more try” …but for me, once I’m truly done and out that door, I’m done. Why? I’ve likely spent way too much time being unhappy…now it’s time to start living again.

I know when something’s wrong. It might take me a few weeks, months, even years to do anything about it, but I will end up doing it. If I can’t be happy in a relationship, I’d much rather be on my own.  I think women in particular can be extremely good at breakups - I’ve written on this subject in previous articles - and we do seem to have a wonderful knack of being able to reinvent ourselves – to start afresh; to get excited about pastures new. To have a new hairstyle, new clothes and to see the positive. I know situations aren’t always easy at the start, but reinvention does seem to be a healthy trend amongst many of the women I’ve had the pleasure of knowing. It’s like we’ve found our freedom, realised we’re OK on our own – better than OK - and for now, whether we’re looking around for Mr or Mrs Right (again) we’re pretty darn fine if we do or don’t find them!

I’m lucky enough to be good friends with most of my exes but there are exceptions. Personally I feel life’s too short to hold grudges (takes a bit of practice!!) and, however long it takes, I think it’s wonderfully therapeutic, wonderfully liberating to be able to forgive – yourself and your ex. We’re all feeling, loving, emotional, souls underneath and whatever you’ve said or done and whatever your ex has said or done, in the end, if we can get to that place of forgiveness, it’s a great weight off our shoulders and we can start living again. I came across two rather wonderful sayings some years back – “Resentment is like drinking poison and expecting it to kill your enemies.”; …and: “As long as you don’t forgive, that person will occupy rent-free space in your mind.” It can, understandably take a while to get to these realisations for many of us, but once you’re able, you can literally let the other person go to move on and to be happy in their life, and you are free to do the same.

Hmm…top tips when bumping into an ex for the first time.

Run!!!

Only joking (ish!) I guess if you’re lucky enough to have split amicably, great. It may be a little uncomfortable the first time you see them – particularly if either of you turns up with a partner (or both of you!) - but as long as you put on your most dazzling smile and are nothing but ‘genuine’ sweetness and light, I imagine you’ll do fine.

If you did the leaving…be nice but not too nice – no point in giving false hope. Keep a little distance be friendly but assertive and move off as quickly and compassionately as you can. It’s kinder and better for you both in the long run.

For the more acrimonious encounters when you were the ‘leavee’ …I always say, whatever you do, however you act, always make sure it’s something you’ll feel comfy about the next day. So, if they left you and you’re heartbroken, refrain from begging your ex to tell you “WHY??” (again), from going over old ground and asking what it was “I did wrong”. You may have been playing the very same conversation in your head for weeks, but actually you’ll stand a much better chance of inner resolution if you can get to the point that you’re OK with it all. Look at the facts. Take the emotions out the way and consider this: Your ex left you, they told you why and they’ve said that’s it. The emotions around the facts are what keep you stuck in the ‘what ifs’ and the ‘whys’ – they basically stop you moving forward – so as soon as you can, get some distance from things and turn your attention to a new, exciting and brighter future.

I always think splitting up with a partner is the perfect time to do some real self-analysis. The wonderful thing about being at this empowering stage is that you are in such a great position to know what it is you want! You’ve spent, weeks, months even years knowing what it is you don’t want from a relationship, so now it’s time to look at the flip side and work out what it is you do want! After all, the opposite is always there to enjoy…may as well try it out. You might then find that exes become a thing of the past.

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Thanks  Sara for this post!! 

More Information

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Peanuts and Eggcups

For Maggie Parsons there’s only ever been one man: the stunningly delicious Luke Henderson. Unfortunately, he left her, without explanation, after their ‘first night’ together …breaking her heart in the process. 

Now ten years on, without any contact, he’s back and going to her school reunion. Great! And, to confuse matters…so is his suave, sexy, brother Tony who makes a major play for Maggie, then turns up with his insufferable - supposedly ex – fiancée! 

Via the reunion, a black eye, getting the sack (as a result) a madcap girlie holiday and juggling her confused emotions around the two alluring brothers…Maggie starts to build a picture of what she really wants in life. 

Trouble is, Maggie’s a pawn in a game she doesn’t even know she’s playing …and things are about to get a whole lot more complicated.

Available from Amazon UK

About Sara Mendes da Costa

Sara Mendes da Costa is the voice of the BT Speaking Clock; the fourth person to hold this prestigious title since 1936.

A successful, world-renowned voiceover artist, her dulcet tones are easily recognisable on television, radio, film and across countless media.

Never far from the press, she’s known for her appearances on BBC Breakfast, ITV This Morning, Children in Need, Wake up to Wogan and The Today Programme, and balances her prolific voiceover career with her passion and commitment as a novelist.

Peanuts & Eggcups, her debut novel - hotly anticipated by the industry - is “The perfect & highly addictive reading companion for women’s fiction fans”. `

A lover of laughter, creativity, great storytelling and a wee dram, Sara adores writing novels and seeks to entertain, uplift and inspire. 

Her upcoming novels: Time & Time Again & Maggie Ever After, are expected in 2017.

Visit: www.saramendesdacosta.com

Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/speakingclock.saramendesdacosta

Twitter: https://twitter.com/BTSpeakingClock