I am excited to be here today with a guest post from Ellie Katz. Please help me by giving her a warm welcome.
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I wrote my memoir, My Last
Summer as a Fat Girl, during a year-long investigation into my relationship
with food.
The idea for writing the book
came to me one week when two new patients were admitted to the rehab facility
where I work as a psychologist: one a painfully thin anorexic woman, the other
a morbidly obese teenage boy.
I thought to myself: “I am
going to have to treat these two.” I was going to have to hoist their spirits,
to help them out of messes that were visibly manifested in their bodies.
Meanwhile, I knew I had my
own issues with eating; nothing extreme, thank God, but definitely persistent.
I’d been aware since childhood that food was my go-to ally when I felt bored,
confused, in pain, or just plain cranky. Somehow the act of chewing and
swallowing, the taste and feel of something sweet, salty, crunchy, or greasy,
always managed to provide a respite, however temporary, from unwelcome states
and emotions. As America got fatter, so did I. Never was I obese, nor was I
ever pencil-thin. I vacillated, like many people do.
While it’s clear that a food
disorder is an addiction, I was always happy that food was my drug and not
anything more extreme, illegal and scary.
It was humbling to dignify my
position within the close-knit circle of addicts. Furthermore, I was curious.
What would I find if I faced myself like I asked my patients to do, asking:
What makes you tick, Ellie, and what ticks you off? I’ve often heard it said
that it’s not what you’re eating, but what’s eating you, that provides the fuel
for such nonstop roundtrips to the kitchen.
It was hardly an easy task to
undertake. It would be a rigorous archaeological dig into my soul and an
attempt to instill some serious changes in the way I felt and ate.
Nevertheless, I sincerely
desired to complete treatment successfully and be left in the end, like my
patients, with an arsenal of tools that would protect me from falling back into
ridiculous, self-destructive behaviors.
The rehab provides a wide
range of therapeutic activities, all of which render opportunities for
heightened awareness of one’s self and one’s addiction. Whether you participate
in an anger group, guided imagery, or horseback riding, the goal is to see that
life is possible and in fact infinitely better without the dubious benefit of
using your drug of choice.
I make it my business at the
rehab to help our patients come up with a vast array of healthy activities and interests that will keep them comfortable, cheerful and reliably
relaxed. If one can succeed in these realms, one need not resort to the old, familiar
patterns of use and abuse.
I chose to chronicle this
process for myself, and in fact this entire year of my life. There is an
appreciable difference between conversing and writing a memoir. Dialogue can,
of course, have enormous value; getting something off your chest, having
another person be a witness, is a significant act.
Writing a memoir, however, has
its own remarkable therapeutic value. What you will say to another person is
often overseen by the impression you want to make, but in journaling there is
no element of the other. Absent this brand of shame and fear, you
can say things on the page you would never, ever say out loud. You discover new
insights, which often simply burst forth from your unconscious mind.
I used this method to act as
my own psychologist. I also attended Overeaters Anonymous meetings (I was
already a longstanding member) and talked regularly with my sponsor.
I learned over that year how
to stay hopeful in spite of brief relapses and disappointments. The overall
experience was successful and human. Every little bit of progress I made
counted and helped me formulate a message to all the people I work with.
After all, if I could do it, so
could they.
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Dr. Ellie
Katz is a leading practitioner of holistic psychotherapy. For the last forty
years, her eclectic interventions have featured innovative approaches to using
meditation, guided thinking and the Bach Flower Remedies. Dr. Katz has lectured
at Einstein/Montefiore Medical Center, the University of Istanbul, First
Beijing Medical Center, and the Hebrew University of Jerusalem. She has been a
senior staff member at the Retorno rehab facility since 2003.
The
author spends as much time as possible with her dozen-plus grandchildren, who
only know her under the alter ego, “Gwammy.” She continues to write and produce
creative work, and even has a novel or two up her sleeve among her upcoming
projects. You can check out her website for more details and
will find all her latest food for thought, clinical tales, and reflections on
her experiences on her blog.
My Last Summer as a Fat Girl is Dr. Ellie’s frank and honest
portrayal of herself confronting a lifetime battle with food – what it did for
her and what it did to her.
Love and Kisses from my Padded Cell is a lively, engaging work
explaining how ten men and women wound up in the mire of addiction, addressing
the common threads among many different kinds of compulsive behavior.
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Happy Reading!
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