Hi Everyone!
Just stopping by today with an excerpt from the book, Washed Away. There is more information about the book and the author below the excerpt.
Happy Reading!
Chapter 5: Sex, Suicide, Addiction, Bullying & Divorce
Life is like a painting; our circumstances are
the brushes that define which way the lines will flow and trickle. This endless
mural reveals the contents of our souls through its unique colors, textures,
and shades.
As life develops, the mural shifts, taking on
an infinite number of directions. During challenges and pain, our paintings
smear, appearing with tears, splotches of black, and graffiti. In our culture,
these strange arrangements of color resemble distorted images of the objects
we’ve observed since childhood, such as our troublesome environments and the
media. These deep longings to replace who we are with superficial guides may
start out as innocent but can end in harm.
I believe that our heart alone, as hard as it
may try, can never create the masterpiece our lives and souls are capable of
becoming. We need something greater to guide us, a Power higher than the things
of this world. When the beautiful and mysterious energies of God guide our
movements, our souls become the works of art they were always meant to be.
Throughout most of my life, my painting was a
swirl of fragmented, blackened shadows. The tormented figures and idealized
images I held in my mind were unattainable; they were lost and broken in storms
of regret and confusion. The shadows lunged at me, laughing hideously and
mocking everything I held dear. I was held captive in a prison of nightmares,
and I thought that the only way to be happy was to numb myself. I lived under
the pretense that at some undefined moment, something in the world would break
me free and rid me of my inner anguish. I failed to understand that God was
the key to my success, and I looked to things and others, expecting something
that could never be. False prophets and selfish doctrines called to me, and
I wandered endlessly searching for their promises through dark, forsaken
tunnels.
Evil is distracting and destructive, and its
objective is to break and damage our inner world. It wishes to extinguish our
hope and blot out the flames of joy and passion in our heart. If it steals our
happiness, it has managed to take away our strength. I repeatedly reinforced
the evil that I received from others through harming and talking down to
myself. I was unaware life could be different, yet I deeply longed for it to
be. I believed that messages of inspiration and hope were based on lies, and I
further isolated into my paranoid darkness.
********************
Nikki DuBose is a
former model turned author, speaker, and mental health advocate. In her
memoir, Washed
Away: From Darkness to Light, Nikki recounts her
experiences navigating the dark side of the modeling industry, while battling
abuse, addiction, and various mental health issues (sexual victimization,
eating disorders, alcoholism, drugs, depression, suicide attempts, body
dysmorphic disorder, PTSD, psychosis). She recently appeared on the Oprah
Winfrey Network on the TD Jakes Show to speak about her recovery
from Body Dysmorphic Disorder and eating disorders, and how the pressure to
"fit into" the modeling industry nearly killed her.
“By my early
twenties, I was modeling professionally and appeared on the covers of and in
editorials for magazines such as Maxim,
Glamour, Vogue, FHM, and Vanity Fair. But while my career was
going exceptionally well, my private life was falling apart. My mental and
emotional health were in shambles. I went from one extreme to the other to meet
weight requirements for photo shoots, and quickly fell into anorexia nervosa.
At times I struggled to survive, beginning to abuse diet pills as a way to
achieve the figure that my agents were pushing me to have for fashion shoots,”
says DuBose.
Because of the lack of laws and protections, models have
long been subjected to sexual and financial abuse, bullying from agents, and
have been pressured to lose so much weight that many have developed
devastating, even fatal eating disorders.
Nikki’s recovery from a nearly lifelong struggle
with PTSD, psychosis, addictions and eating disorders has left her with a
passionate longing to help others who are also suffering. Although the modeling
industry has made strides towards body diversity in the past couple of years,
there is a lack of education and awareness surrounding eating disorders and
other mental health issues. Washed Away: From Darkness to Light serves
as a testimony to others to let them know that they are not alone in their
fears, doubts, and frustrations, and that through recovery all things are
possible.
Book Trailer: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-Fop6kvFZI8
Advanced Praise
"A compelling and educational read about the dark side of the
fashion business and its effect on mental health. Nikki draws upon her
experiences of overcoming a life-threatening eating disorder as she navigates
through the industry, all while wrestling with a broken home life and
struggling to discover her inner voice. Nikki's story is truly remarkable
and will serve as a beacon to anyone who has ever doubted their own intrinsic
value. I highly recommend Washed Away: From Darkness to
Light.” - Brian Cuban, Attorney, Author (Shattered
Image: My Triumph Over Body Dysmorphic Disorder), Activist
“I was truly amazed by her determination to live life. I saw a woman
that had every reason to quit and remain silent, but she chose to break through
every obstacle that challenged her. I am very grateful that she has taken on
the challenge to not only speak about her experience, but to fight for change
in laws that will empower children and survivors to protect themselves. We all
need to learn from Nikki and use our voices to create positive change. It
is no longer okay for the silence to outweigh the tough discussion. Ignorance
will not stop child sex predators from harming our children.”
- Matthew Sandusky, Founder & Executive Director of Peaceful Hearts
Foundation, Author (Undaunted: Breaking My Silence to Overcome the Trauma of
Child Sexual Abuse), Speaker
“To endure what DuBose has within her first decade proves more than
most could handle in a lifetime, yet she looks back at her life with grace and
a rare honesty. As she takes us through the overly sexualized fashion industry
as an international top model, she gives the no-holds barred account on mental
illness, rape, and eating disorders that our society so desperately needs.” -
Neesha Arter, Journalist & Author (Controlled)
"Washed Away: From Darkness to Light is an incredible story of one brave woman's
perseverance in the face of daunting life circumstances. Nikki DuBose details
her chilling experiences with an eating disorder, childhood sexual abuse,
alcoholism and drug abuse - and how she found the strength to rise above and
find recovery. This powerful read will inspire those in their own
recovery journeys." - Kristina Saffran, Co-Founder and Co-Executive
Director at Project HEAL
About the Author:
Nikki lives in Los
Angeles. She recently worked alongside Assembly member Marc Levine on California
Assembly Bill 2539, which addressed the need for workplace
protections and health standards in the modeling industry. She gives talks
regularly on her recovery at universities and treatment centers. Her advocacy
work and recovery story has been profiled on CBS Los Angeles, People, Vogue UK, Esquire, India Times, Inquisitr,
and many others. She also writes extensively on mental health, political
issues, and exposes the truth about the modeling industry on The Huffington Post, the National Eating
Disorders Association, Eating Disorder Hope, Clinical Recovery Institute, and
Recovery Warriors. She also recently contributed as an expert reviewer for
Harvard University's STRIPED program (Strategic Training Initiative for the
Prevention of Eating Disorders), helping craft their lesson for this new
semester, which focuses on modeling and eating disorders.
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